Don’t even know what to call this

What do you call it when you are going through an emotional thing and you don’t even know what it is you are going through? 

I picked up a book to read for R. It’s called “Right Brained Kids in a Left Brained World: Unlocking the Potential of your ADD Child.” Is R ADD? I have no idea. He has no problem whatsoever focusing on things he wants to do. I have seen him spend hours working on amazingly hard computer games with his father. (or alone) I have seen him spend hours putting together lego or k’nex projects, or playing in a sandbox or watertable or the bathtub. And he never had problems finishing a project with the teacher when I took him to Spanish Art class. But he hates “bookwork” or any kind. Hates writing or reading outloud, or doing math workbooks with me. HATES IT. I guess if he was in school they’d call him something. ADD or *something.*

So I got this book and started reading and realized IT’S ME HE’S TALKING ABOUT IN THIS BOOK. ME. All the weird big and little quirks in school that made some teachers hate me. Made some teachers tell me I was lying when I would speed read through books, that I was working below my potential, that I was lazy, and a disgrace to my parents. It was all in there. EVERY STRANGE LEARNING ISSUE  THAT MADE ME FAIL MATH AND SPELLING FOR YEARS… made school a nightmare for me…. all there in black and white on the page. I always knew I had a learning disability. Some time around age 12 I read an article in Life magazine about learning disabilities and there was dyscalculia, defined in black and white on the page. But I never realized I might have ADD. I never even suspected it. I graduated at the very top of my class both times in college. What the hell do you do with such jaw dropping info as THAT??? But when I look at the characteristics, they match my life perfectly. 

I cried when I read the book. I felt shocked and upset. I didn’t even know how to talk about what was happening inside of me. I felt really mixed up and confused about trying to wrap my mind around this information. I still feel like somewhere deep inside of me I am reeling. 

A lot of things about me make sense now. But I’m not relieved, instead I’m upset because now I wonder if I can overcome how I am. I hope there is a way to make things better. I have ordered two books from the library about how to be organized if you are right-brained. 

In the mean time I tried some of the suggestion in the book for helping R and of course he didn’t want anything to do with any of them. I think I am going to have to start bribing him. Although I joined a homeschooling group for right brained kids and they tell me that it is normal for RB kids to not start getting into learning stuff until the age 8 or so. I feel like I have been waiting forever for this kid to care about learning.


~ by nawor on June 21, 2009.

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