Temple of My Familiar

“Temple of My Familiar” by Alice Walker is one of my very favorite books. It’s in the top five for sure. I am rereading it. It’s been a while. There is a character in the book who’s husband cheats on her with her own mother. When one of the other characters describes her as “a body of pain. Nothing else, just pain.” I couldn’t help but think about the bio-mom and the ex-housemate. How they both betrayed me and how much pain it caused me. Which of course lead me back to the ex-friend and the ex-housemate. The big betrayal there was NO ONE in my househodl wanted to talk about what happened. No wonder I slid into depression for several years.

What is one supposed to do when two people who are so important to you betray you? In a usual “cheating” situation… the “other” person is usually (but not always) someone you don’t know and so it’s just one person who is betraying you. But really, what could Carlotta do when her mother and her husband had sex and ran away to Mexico with each other? The two people who she loved most in the world had left her heart. Eventually she rebuilds her relationship with her H, but not based on a sexual or marital relationship, but as a co-parent. I don’t know really what I can base a relationship with G on. It always seems so…. murky. I guess because I simply can’t trust her and so I really don’t want a relationship with her. But I really do miss her at the same time and wish she could be a bigger part of my life. I doubt it will every really get much easier with her. Or me. Pricky thing I become when I am betrayed.

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~ by nawor on March 6, 2009.

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